FollowingaStream
TheExperienceofComposingMusicalHaikus
KellyLockwood
“.’
Copyright©2000KellyLockwood
AllRightsReserved
3
FollowingaStream
TheExperience ofComposing MusicalHaikus
Introduction
Canmusic beaguide? Teachingusofworlds unknown? Myguidewanders likewater,
meandering backandforth,butflowingtotheocean,moving tothewhole.Howdoesmusic
cometous?Whatismusic’s meaning? Iseektouncover music’s essentiallife,yetsheonlygives
experiences notfacts. Learning tolistentomyguidebringsmetothecorequestionsofmyown
life.What doIlivefor?HowdoIlive?Whataretheimportantthemesofmylife?What
shapesmygrowth? HowdoIcommittowhatmusicasksofme?Therese Schroeder-Sheker,
founderanddirectorofTheChaliceofReposeProject,hasspentover25yearsworkingwiththe
ideas ofcontemplativemusicianship.TheSchoolofMusic-Thanatolo raisesimportant
considerations fortheapplicationofcontemplativemusicianship whileworkinginthe
clinical practiceofmusic-thanatolo. ThereseSchroeder-Shekeremphasizes thatmusicis
centraltothedevelopmentof’radicalreceptivity, responsivityandreliability’tothedivine
other.Throughouttheschooltrainingallofthefaculty emphasizethecontemplativepractice
oflistenin.LindaSchneck,amemberoftheharpfaculty,wasespecially instrumentalin
emphasizing (weekly) theimportanceofcomposingeveryday asawayofdeepeningmy
relationshiptomusic,devotion,receptivity,creativeimpulse, andtrust. Thispracticehas
developedmycapacity toentertheclinicalworkofmusic-thanatolo,servingthedying,
withagreaterpotential asacontainerformusic’s graceandwisdom.
Music-Thanatolo
Music-thanatolo, foundedbyThereseSchroeder-Sheker-, isasubspecialtyof
palliativecare, focusedonservingthephysicalandspiritualneedsofthedyingwith
prescriptivemusic.Thisclinicalpractice reliesonthephenomenolo ofthepatient. Vital
1Formoreinformationonthehistoryofmusic-thanatolo andtheclinical practicein
Missoula, }”1T,seethewritingsofSchroeder-Sheker.
4
signs,body language, andcountenance aresensitively observed, along withanunderstanding of
thepatient’s diseaseprocess andtherelationship ofthefamily tothepatient. Thesephysical
realities provide indications towhatmusic willbeplayedandhowitwillbeplayed. The
music-thanatologist prescribes music basedonmanyelementsincluding tonality (major, minor,
modal), meter, tempo, phrase complexity, melody, harmonyandrhythm. Theconsiderations
andpossibilities ofchoice arelimitless. Thisisbalancedwiththeimpulses andintuitionsthat
arebased onunseen, non-material sensin. Whatneedstobeprovided?Isacomatosepatient
sadorexcited? Where isthepatient’sspiritintheroom?Prescriptive music isdelivered live
inrelationship tothepatientandhisorherfamily. Thedyingpatientisaskedonlytoreceive
themusic. Playingharpsandsinging,teamsoftwoorthreemusic-thanatologists attend vigils
foradyingpatientwithaprognosisof6months ofless,addressing suchconcerns asgriefand
pain.Thevigilstakeplaceinhospitals, hospices, andprivate homes,referrals aremadefrom
socialworkers,nurses, chaplains, physicians, family members, andpatients. Family and
health careproviders arewelcometoattend.
Music-thanatolo, asdevelopedbyTherese Schroeder-Sheker, isa
multidisciplinary field,westudy thelanguageofbiomedicine andthelanguage ofmusic, as
wellashistory, anthropology, andspiritual psychology. Seeinginamusical context means
steppingoutofthenormal wayweexperience being andenteringintoanotherorder. Within
thisorganizationdifferenttruthsbecomeapparent;differentvaluesareexpressed; different
insightsgained. Thepatientisnotdefined byhisorherdisease,buthowheorsheis
‘sounding’.Whatishisorhermusical expressioninthismoment? Thisallows foracompletely
‘different expression ofthepatienttorevealitself. Inthisway,themusic-thanatologist listens
deeply tothepatient, evenifthepa!ient isunabletocommunicate oriscomatose.
Therearenoformulasforthiskindofwork, sothecommitment ofthemusic-
thanatologist istobefullypresent tothepatient, fullyopentomusic asadynamicforce.Inthe
vigil, intimacyiscrucial,yetitisnotbasedonknowingthepersonalintricacies ofeachpatient,
butrather onbeingabletoconnecttoeachpatient throughlove. Thisconnectioncanbe
5
expressed throughthewarmthofeyesandpresence,theopennessoftheheart andthequality
oftouch. Formethisisthepractice ofdevotion tohumanity, acreation ofapublic intimacy
thatreliesonmyability tosurrender myselfandconnect tomusic.Themusicguides ustothis
space ifwefollow herwisdom. Theinnercondition ofthemusic-thanatologist hastobeclear,
openandresponsive tothisperspective.
Phenomenological MusicalHaikuDiary
Waking illthemorning, Iwrite doummydreamsoranythoughts orimagesofthenight.
Isitd01UIl andlisten tothesilence. 1playmusic onmyharp, stoppillg tonotate illmynotebook, I
playagain andnotate more. Itisashortcomposition, aphrase ortwo,simple. Iwritebriefly
.’allYimpressions orthoughts… Before Igotosleep, illtheevening,1playthemorning’s hai
composition, takillg itwithmeintomydreams .
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qu;(rt;'th(i'solo ,n61:es':Qreenough.'Cche stOfitis andlashing ':'t;’;;’;,)’);T’
comiof;tint.fal1t:ii~itS·’simplicity’ iscompleJdty.”qhere’is~o:~~’;
~u~~::gi~~Ij.J;rJ,~;~~’,?!::~~~gle1!~uck~f!. ~()I,t~:},~Clr’H,0n.ic~,~’i~,,’,’
.~i1en’t!’le.,”Q.,y’t6~es i;lance4rou.n#lil<ea f:!ropofwtlter-o'~(
a'hotco9Jqngpan.qhe~ounddissipates,iietitspYeSenc~:';t
growsstr.olJq~~;asitsVoice· goestosUence.?f[he tqnecal,ii:';;;;
c;lraw.ou:tmY tOXlnst;jJow-'!/.wonderi/,tl!-is::is,what,;<£/·waS",',:.;-
doing;witlfJjill,soothing anddrawingoutwithone-tonerc:
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6
Phenomenolo istheexploration anddescription ofphenomena,where
phenomena arethethingsorexperiencesashuman beingsexperiencethem,
Accuratedescriptionisnotaphenomenological end,however, butameans
bywhichthephenomenologist locatesthephenomenon'sdeeper,more
generalizablepatterns,structures, andmeanmgs.?
ThePhenomenology Haiku Diary started asanassignment from myharpteacher.
LindaSchneckwrites,"Soastoengagethesensesratherthantheintellect, thesefreelydrawn
melodies willgenerally beshort,usingthesmallest number oftonesorpitches toexpress afelt
experience ofbody andtone. Derivingitsformfromthe17-syllable Haikupoem, eachmelody
willconsistofeither 17notesorfivebarsofmusic.t'-' FromOctober 3,1999toMarch 9,2000, I
composed haikus, notating approximately oneaweek. FromMarch 10toMarch 24,Ibegan
exploring recording mynightdreamsandthenplaying amusical haiku. I"officially" began
theprocessofnotating ahaiku every morning forthispaper onApril2andconcluded onJuly15.
Iwasunable tonotateahaikuevery morning, butoverthiswholeperiod (October 3,1999toJuly
15,2000)Inotated 100haikus,
Dreams
I'minthemidstofasymphony ofsoundmade vocally byma1lY people. There is
something funnyaboutallofthedifferent soundsandIlaughandwake myself
up,Istartthinkingofthedream where Iheardtheuiaterdripping(inmyreal
kitchen)andtranslated thattotalking intongues. Whenyou'resleepingthe
soundismoreintense, slowed inasensesoallofthedetails arise.
DreamApril 10,2000
Iwantedtoconnect mydreamstomymusical haikus sothatIcouldexperience thetwo
worlds moremethodically andstartinvestigating theirsimilar anddissimilar qualities. I
2David Seamon andArthurZajonc, "Goethe, Nature,andPhenomenolo: AnIntroduction." In
DavidSeamon andArthur Zajonc's Goethe's WayofScience. (NewYork: NewYorkState
University ofNewYorkPress,1998),2.
3Linda Schneck, Phenomenologu Haiku Diary. (Missoula, Montana: ChaliceofRepose, School
ofMusic-Thanatology, 1999),1.
7
havebeennotatingmydreamsonandofffortwentyyears.Thispracticehasprevailedbecause
Ihaveagenuinesenseofamazementtowhatiscreatedwhenthelightsgooutandsleep
prevails.Whatevertheunconsciousis,beitsoul,bodyknowledgeorthedivine,theseimages
arewonderful,informativeandsoindividual. Withthecreationofmusictheconsciousmind
mixeswiththeunconsciousandthemusicianisaskedtobeawareofcreatingwithout
controllin.InmypaperIdonotworkwiththerelationshipofthesetwoworldsformally,
however,Iwilltryandbringinsomeoftheimageryofmydreamssothattheycancolorthis
paperinthewaythatavividdreamlingersonthroughtherestofone'sday.Duringthetime
ofthehaikudiaryalmosteverynighttherewasamusicalaspectinmydreams.Sometimesit
isinthecontentofmydream;thereisaviolinist,aconductor, Iamtuningmyharp.Othertimes
thereisactualmusic,repetitionsofsongsthatIknoworthatIamlearningorrepetitionsof
sound.
RudolfSteinerwritesanintriguingdescriptionofsleepandsound:
Eachtimethehumanbeingfallsasleepandlosesconsciousness, hisastralbody
emergesfromhisphysicalbody.Inthisstatemaniscertainlyunconsciousbut
livinginthespiritualworld.Thespiritualsoundsmakeanimpressiononhis
soul.Thehumanbeingawakenseachmorning fromaworldofthemusicofthe
spheres,andfromthisregionofharmonyhere-enterthephysicalworld… The
creativemusiciantransposestherhythm,theharmonies,andthemelodies
thatimpressthemselvesonhisethericbody during thenightintophysical
tone. Unconsciouslythemusicianhasreceivedthemusicalprototypefromthe
spiritualworld,whichhethentransposesintophysicalsounds.Thisisthe
mysteriousrelationshipbetween musicthatresoundshereinthephysical
worldandhearingspiritualmusic duringthenight."
WhileSteinerdescribessoundascomingfromthespiritualrealms, givingthemusicianan
experienceofbeingshapedbythesesoundsinsleep.RobertSardella,thecofounderofthe
SchoolofSpiritualPsycholoandfacultymemberoftheSchoolofMusic-Thanatolo,points
outthatdreamingistheexperienceofsensingthecreatingthattheworldmanifests.PBy
focusingondreamcontentwecanmisstheunderstandingthattheworldworksthroughus.This
4Steiner,Rudolf,TheInnerNature ofMusic andtileExperience ofTOile: Selected Lectures from
theWork ofRudolfSteiner. (Hudson, NY:Anthroposophic Press, 1983),5.
5Sardello,Robert,LoveandtheSoul:CreatingaFutureforEarth.(NewYork:HarperCollins,
1995),chapter6.
8
doesnotmeanthatIadvocategivingupthecontententirely butIdoagree thatwecanmiss
livingtheexperience ofbeingaconduit forcreationifwealwaysliveintheresults orthe
content. Thesameistruewithmusic,itisnotonlythecontentthatmakesmusicweakorstrong,
buttheconsciousexperienceofmusicasspiritually received.
AsIhaveparticipatedinplayingmusicalvigilsforthedying,Ihavefeltmany
similaritiesbetweenthedreamstateandthevigilspace. Timeisexperiencedmorerichly.
Eventsseemtomergetogetherwithlessdistinctionsbetween beginningsandendings. Itcan
oftenbeaseeminglyinconsequentialcomponentofthevigilthatindeedsignalsimportant
informationormeaning; theposition ofahand,aballoon floatingabove abed,thecolorofa
blanket. Inthedreamstatesoundsseemmoreintense,onenotecancreateaworldofexperience,
nuanceandemotion. Canweimagine howsoundisexperiencedtothedyingperson,inbetween
worlds, maybe heightenedtosensationsduetobeingattheendoflife?
Inmydreamsmelodies orphrasesofmelodiesarerepeatedoverandover. Attimes
thiscanbemaddening,atother times, thereisasenseoflearning, eachrepetition brings
anotheraspectoflearning closer. Repetitions revealsthemulti-facetedexperienceof
consciousness,eachrepetition reveals more.Thisisasaspectofmusicthatisusedinthevigils;
repetitions cancalmly soothe orgradually intensify anexperience depending onthepatient,
repetitionscanloosen apatient whoisstuckorslowly wrapapatientintone, warmthand
support.
Itisimportant tonote, thatamidstthesewatery landsofsound,themusic-
thanatologistmustremainawake.Torememberone'sdreamsrequires thatsomepartofthe
mindstayawake. Inthevigil,rather thanfloating alongwiththeexperience, acertain
attentivenessmustbeheldsothatthedyingpatientcanjourney withthemusic asthemusic-
thanatologist watches over.
9
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smell~”~’rh~ii, ~wi,t<:hingba~k'~n~ forth~lessening_thE?-,.;,:Q;j~~i
yepetii:ionsun~iI9in{clt2 .phraSeSfor.eaCli ,tonality.q:h~;~l:1';
takes~m~concentrationiNiththelevers,but9'mhaviJ:j.gif.
thefeelingofaheartmassage.Eachswitchmyheart;;,,:,<:lf
moves."9'ntwriting nowandmyheartissore,notfrom~iil!A<
themoven,(i!nt,pfirse but9'canfeelstiyyingshappenilJgW~~~il
ands()methin?/'w.quld liketo-surface .•9thinkthisisag(i9~l
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todo'with:tempoandfhlJthm~·9feelheart,head;"":,,-!'c~(:f%’i
texturesalti:fahuge.hUlldingup ofsoundanden~r9iJ.:i(i:’:::;c’;.», .,. ‘,’ ‘,-~… . .’c~··:·’~·’:·:;.’;?:,i~
Ritual
Thetri-partite structure ofritual;separation, lirninality andreincorporation
corresponds totheproce~s ofhaikucomposition,AliceReich, whoteaches anthropology atThe
School ofMusic-Thanatology, introducedArnoldVanCennep’s ideasofritesofpassages as
partofthecurriculum andIwasabletoseemyexperience withinthisstructure, IwiJJdescribe
theprocessingeneral terms, notevery haikuislikethis,butevery haikuholds some
components ofthisprocess,1wakeinthemorning veryconscious ofstarting thedaywitha
19
haiku. Ihaveatinge ofexcitement fortheprocess, butthemajorityofmyfeelingisasenseof
nervousness oranxiety. Onalevelof1-10,10beingthemostanxiety, Iwouldsayitvaries
between 1-3.Dreadisastrong wordbutIwouldaddittothemix.Thisemotiontooisfelt
weakly,butispresent.
Inthetimebetween sittingbefore theharpandwritingtheday’s haiku,many fears
present themselves. These arequickfeelingsthatpassthrough me.IfIdidnotreally slow
down andfeelthem,many would goconsciously undetected. Somecommonthoughtsandworries
andactions: IworrythatmyteacherswillseehowunconnectedIamtothemusicalworld.I’m
afraidthatthisresearch isworthless. Itrytocalmmybody andmindwithvarious techniques.
Iusepoetry,asingletoneandsilencetosoftenmymindandopenmyheart. Italkinmymindto
themusic,coaxing ittorevealitselftome.Iwonderhowlongtowaitbeforeenterin.Iworry
thatIfeelnothingformusic.
Goingabitdeeper intoanxiety, Ihaveanimagethattroublesme.Iamcrossingtwo
rocks,thespacebetween thetworocksissmall. Itisthedropofthespacebelow thatis
dauntin. Itislikecrossingaoveradeepcrevice. However, there isnowayIcould fall
through therocksandIstillhaveanxiety. IntheOxford English Dictionary’anxiety’ is
defined as’troubleofmind around someuncertain event’and’strainedorsolicitous desire’) 5It
isinteresting thatsolicitous hastwodefinitions. Oneis’careful, meticulous andthoughtful’
whiletheother is’fullofdesire andeager’. Iexperience feelings ofwanting toplaymusicand
theoppositefeelingofreally notwantingtoplayatthesametime.
Under Ritual intheEncuclopedia ofReligion, theauthor saysthat”This phenomenon
ofcriticism, andespecially ofself-criticism, isanessential partofritual.Itispartofthe
“recentering” …,aself-tr-nsforrnation thatisnecessary ifthereistobeanyhopeofescaping
personal fantasies andencountering authentic realitiesoutside theself…,,16’Recentering’is
15J.A. SimpsonandE.S.C. Weiner, TheOxfordEnglish Dictionarf. (Oxford: Clarendon Press,
1989).
16EvanM.Zuesse, “Ritual”. InMircea Eliade’s Encyclopedia ofReligion. (NewYork:
Macmillan Publishing Company, 1987), 408.
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being taken outside ofone’s selfandexperiencingoneselfasthedivineother.There isa
‘personal submission’ tothisprocess.
Ismyownbodilyconfession ofanxiousnessbeforethehaikuprocess, awayofpurifying
myself,revealing mylimitationssothatIcanconnecttoalargersource?Oristheprocessof
musical connection revealing aplacewhereI’mwoundedandstillbringing intothelighta
place thatishardforme;aplace ofintimacy. ‘Personalsubmission’ isanactofsacrifice. With
theuseofthiswordI’mnotlookingatatypeofmartyrdom, butinthesenseofmakingsacred.
Three works ofMarius SchneiderarereadaspartofthecurriculumatTheChalice ofRepose
Project. Inhisessay,Acoustic Symbolism illForeignCultures, Schneidersays, “…Asound
sacrifice isaccomplishedbyasingerwhosurrendershisbreathandindividuality inorderto
bringexpression toanimpersonal empty formandpusheshisownpersonalityintothe
backgroundinordertomakehimselfthesoundingboard ofahigherprinciple.,,17Making
sacredinvolves anenlargingoftheself,whichcanfeellikeatypeofdying. Oldstructuresno
longerguideandtheunknown isall!hatexists.
Once Ihavecrossedovertheinitialthreshold,receivingthemusicisarelief. Many
timesonenoteleadstotheother. OthertimesIintuitamusical conceptandthenthewhole
haikuformsitself. Ihave heardshort musical phrases, whichleadmetofurther
developments.OnceI’moutofmydoubt, Ifeelaconfidenceplayinginthemoment. WhenI’m
composing music,mybodyisrelaxed, content. I’mopen, listening, andsensingfortheright
direction. Therearesmallindications alongtheway. Yesgothisway,nonotthisway.Idon’t
oftenknowconsciously whythesedirectionsaregiven. Iwillsometimes notatejustthenotes
thatIplay,butmoreoftenifIhavegoneastray Ifindtherightnotebyexperimenting. Ihave
anoverallsense oftherrusic.anoverallfeeling fortheformthatwilltakeplace. Andmany
timesI’msurprised bysomeaddedtwist.
17Marius Schneider, “AcousticSymbolism inForeign Cultures”. InJoscelynGodwin’s Cosmic
Mllsic: Mllsical Ke1jS toilteInterpretation ofReality (Rochester,Vermont: InnerTraditions,
1989),75.
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Butcrossingtheinitialthresholdintothesoundstreamisnotaguaranteeof
maintainingconnection.Iamespeciallyvulnerabletolosingasenseofconnectionwiththe
endingofpieces.BeingoverlywillfulorsuddenlytimeconsciousbydecidingthatI
wanttoendthepiece,oftencreatesthissituation.Andthereisthearchetypalexperienceof
goingalongandfeelinglikeeverythingisperfect,flowing, naturalandthenbumpingrightinto
awall. WhenIdoloseconnection,allofmyinitialworriescanresurface.Itishardtoregain
theflowafterithasbeenbroken.
AliceReich’steachingsincludedanarticlebyBarbaraMyerhoffonaritualthatwas
doneinaJewishcommunity.Shearticulatesthetensionthatisinvolvedinritual.
“Underlying allritualsisanultimatedanger,lurkingbeneaththesmallestandlargestof
them,themorebanalandmostambitious-thepossibilitythatwewillencounterourselves
makingupourconceptionsoftheworld,society, ourveryselves.Wemayslipintothatfatal
perspectiveofrecognizingculture asourconstruct, arbitrary,conventional,inventedbymortals.
Ritualsthenareseenasreflectionsnotoftheunderlying, unchangingnatureoftheworldbut
theproductsofourimagination. Whenwecatchourselvesmakinguprituals,wemayseeallour
mostprecious, basicunderstandings, theprecepts weliveby,asmeredesperatewishesand
dreams.”18
WhenIslipfromafeelingofbeingguidedtoanexperienceofdoubt,thisisanatural
momentforstrengtheningbeliefs,initiating creativity andplungingintothemoment. ]may
wishtoletgoofsomeofmypreciousdreamsorImaywanttocommittothemdeeper.Without
themomentsofdoubt, chaos, andfallingoutofgrace,thesemomentsofpossibility wouldnot
occur.Thisisworkingwiththeunknown.Discerningbetween reality andillusionistenuous
andthissituationcanhe;;;htenthesenses,rallyingupagreaterforceofcreativityandclarity.
Eventhoughthegeneralstructureoftheformoftheritualremains constant, thecreativity
involvedinrelationshiptochaosistheexpression ofbreakthrough,dawn,andnewness. Trying
tocontrolthisaspectofritualisuseless,sothatsurrender becomesthemainconsciousness.
1RBarbaraMyerhoff,Remembered Lives: TheWorkofRitual, Storytelling, andGrowing
Ofdel’.(AnnArbor:TheUniversityofMichiganPress),162.
22
TherearetimeswhenIcannotconnecttoamusicalflowatall.Thehaikuwilldevelop
butnotconfidentlyandnotwithasmuchdistinctdirection.Mybodytensesandafeelingof
frustrationcandevelop.Ispendlongeramountsoftimetryingtofindtherightexpression.I
don’tenjoytheresults.IntheseexperiencesIwonderifIhavenotsufficientlyletgoofmy
individualityinexchangeforamysticalconnectionorifthisisanormalprocessofcreative
experience;theebbandflow.AsIwentbackoverthesetypesofhaikus,IrealizedthatIhave
thesamereactionaswhenIwrotethem. Theyhadnotarrived.Ihadnotgottenoutofmyself.
Avagueness.Theexperienceofnotarrivingmusicallyfeelslesschaoticanddangerousthen
loosingmysenseofconnection, butittooisamomentofprofoundpossibilityforsomethingnewto
occur.Thereisnotoneanswerthatcan”fix”thismoment,but”notarriving” becomesthesignal
tostretchbeyond.Lookingattheoverallrhythm ofmycompositiondiary, Icanseethatthis
experienceseemstocomeandgoquitenaturally,soitmaybepartofthemovementofcreativity
andlearnin.
Thelastpartoftheritualiscoming backtotheeverydayexperience.Thisisdone
easily. IhavenoneedtositinsilencebeforeImove ontomyday.SometimesIammore
affectedthanothersbythehaiku process.Mostoften myanxietyislessenedifnotgoneuntil
thenextmornin.ItisrarethatIhaveafeelingofsatisfaction aroundthemusical composition
butIdohaveafeelingofcompletion.
Writingashortmusical haikueveryday isaquickprocessofbeingcenteredand
availabletothemusicofthemoment. Ioftenwantedtoplayforalongertimetoallowa
connectiontobuild, putting meinadeeper stateofoneness. Overtime, however, Ifoundthat
theintention thatisbuiltfromcomposing everyday, evenforasmall amountoftime,and
reviewingthecompositic nsintheevening, contributes toaconstantawarenessofmusic.
Sometimes, Ihadthesensation ofbeingfollowed.Thisisnotnecessarily anawarenessofsound,
butafeeling ofhavingtheentity ofmusicwithmethroughoutmyday.Thisinturnalso
contributestobeingmoreawareofsound.1wasexpecting marked momentsattheharp,
connecting tomusicandcreating haikus. What1received wasagrowing, constantawarenessof
23
music. Thisreminds meofallthetraditionsthatbegin andendthedaywithprayer. Orthe
Moslems thatpraymultipletimesaday.Theprayer isnotnecessarily theonlypointof
connection tothedivine,butmarksboundariesoftime.Divinityexistsbetweentheprayers as
well.
Inthevigilexperience, Ifeeltrepidation beforeIgotoplay.Inowseethisexperience
asapurifying emotion,preparingmetolaydownmyeveryday selfandmoveintoanexperience
ofmyselfthatisbigenough toholdmusic andthedyingpatient atthisthresholdmomentof
hisorherlife.I’mambothhonored tobeabletowork withthispersonandIhavea
responsibility tomaintain amusical practice thatstretchesmetokeepawaketomyegoneeds
andthatmaintainsthedevelopment ofmymusical worldsothatIcanplaymusicthatbridges
fromthelivingworldtothenextworld.
Receiving theMystery
Musichasbeenclosely connected toreligion andthemysticalexperience. TerEllingson
intheEncqclopedia ofReligion writes”thatgiventhecloselinksbetween musical andreligious
concepts, anonsectarian definition ofmusic maybeimpossible.Forexample, onecommon
definition ofmusic as’humanly patterned sound’ conflicts withwidely heldreligious beliefs
thatmusic isnothumanly, butrather,divinely patterned …”19
Thisisnottosaythateveryhaiku isamystical experience fromthebeyond. But
mysticismdoesnothave tobeextraordinary, itisinthebreathing inandthebreathingoutof
respiration. Musicisamysticalprocessinthesame waythatanintimate relationship is.
Mystery isinvolved inmeeting thebeloved andintheuniquely personal anduniversalmeaning
oftherelationship. Thismeaningcantakeyears toreveal itself, asitisshown inmany
different expressions, inmanydifferent lights. Many lessons arelearned, buttheultimate
practiceisofloveforthatwhichisunknowable. Thisisthebiography ofthemystic,the
process ofloving theunknowable. Andmany secular people arebecoming mystics, centering
19’rerEllingson, “MusicandReligion.” InMirceaEliade’s Encuclopedia ofReligion (NewYork:
MacmillanPublishing Company, 1987),164.
-~——————————————-
24
theirlivesaround themysteryoflivingandhonoring thesacred.Inthelanguage ofjazz,the
musical experience isarticulated slightly differently, yetthereisacommondescriptionofthe
‘happening’ experience.
Sometimes,IreallyfeelthatIamjustthevehicle,thebody,andthat
somethingisreallysingingthroughme,likeIamnotcontrollingeverything
thatIamsingin.ThelasttimeIsang,Ithoughttomyself, “Gosh,Ifeellike
something isjustsinging throughme.”That’swhatImeanbythespiritual
thin.CarmenLundy
WithMiles…itwouldgettothepointwherewefollowedthemusicrather
thanthemusic followingus.Wejustfollowedthemusicwherever itwantedto
go.Wewouldstartwithatune,butthewayweplayedit,themusicjust
naturallyevolved. BusterWilliams
It’salmostlikethere’saoneness.Youandyourinstrumentareone,there’sno
separation. Andit’slikeaonenesswiththemusic. It’slikeyou’reintunewith
theuniverse. LeroyWilliams20
Itisinteresting tonotethatnoneoftheseartistsdescribetheexperienceofmusicas
beingspiritually encompassing because ofthesongthatwasplayed orthesequencingofchords.
Itistheprocessofplaying, thequality ofplaying,andthestateofbeingthatoneisinandhow
one’sgroupconnectsthatconstitutesthepowerofmusic, notliterally whatisplayed.
Insearchingforwritings oncontemplative arts,WendiRaw, apractitionerof
Authentic Movement, sugestedIlookatthisfield. ‘Authentic Movement’ isdanceImovement
expression thatalsoworkswiththemystical experience.Authentic Movement isaprocess
whereonepersonmoves witheyesclosed andanotherperson’witnesses’themover, writingor
drawing whatheorsheobserves. Thisprocessisalsodonewithgroupsofmoversandwitnesses.
Authentic movement isamovement haiku. JanetAdler, oneofthedevelopers ofAuthentic
Movementsays,’Thehumanpsycheinevitably demands toexperience directrelationshipwith
spirittoknow thesacred.”21 Shequotes aphilosopher ofreligion, “direct experience
is…’something more likeasensation thananintellectual operation.’ Sensation iswhatthe
bodyperceives. Itcanbeexperiencedasperception ofanimage,oflight,asound ora
20Paul F.Berliner, Thinking inJazz: TheIllfinite ArtofImprovisation. (ChicagoandLondon:
TheUniversity ofChicagoPress, 1994)392-3.
21Janet Adler,”Body andSoul.” InPatrizia Pallaro’s Authentic Movement: ACollection of
Essays In)Man)Starks Whitehollse, Janet Adler and[canChodoroto. (Londonand
Philadelphia: JessicaKingsley Publishers, 1999)165.
25
kinesthetic sensation. Inmysticalexperience, sensationisperceptionthrough anyorallofthe
fivesenses plusanother sense whichisnameless.”22
AsIhavewritten myhaikus, Ihavebeenawareofimpulse.AllofasuddenIhavea
pullingtomoveinacertaindirection.Animpulse movesusfromoneplacetoanother.Onemust
followimpulse toenter intothelandscape ofmusicandthencontinuetojourney throughher
domain. Thismayseemselfevidentbuttherearemany waysthatanimpulse canberesisted.
First,toreceiveimpulse itisnecessarytobeopen.Formethismeantwaiting toreceive, letting
goofanyrigidexpectations ofplans,andlistenin. Withoutapersonaldesire tolistenand
respond, thereisnowaytoenter. Wemustcornetothehalfwaypointbeforewecanevenbegin
toaskformusic’spresence. Musicthatisplayed becausenotesfromapagehavebeenlearned,
taketheplayeronaflatjourney, aonedimensional journey.
Thisleadsmetoaskmyself,whydoIcaretowaitforanimpulse.Animpulseisnota
randomthoughtbutdesire radiating fromtheheart(I’mnotsureifitismyheartormusic’s
heart). Impulsesthataregenerated fromthemindarenotthefullstory andopentoan
analytical worldthatislackinginalltherichdimensions;body,soul,andmind. Impulses
fromtheheart, giveafeeling oftruth,excitement,andanticipation. Iamfilledwithasense
ofjoy.Thisisnotafeelingofbeinghappy, butthecomplexity ofwholeness; thebroadrangeof
feelingthatholdsgriefandecstasy inoneframe.Thereiswarmthandagroundedfeelingtoo.
Thisimpulse isexperienced asthefeeling ofbeing directed fromoutsideofone’s selfatthe
sametimeasbeingfullyearthed inone’sself.There isafeelingofreceivingatthesame
momentthatthere isthemotion ofresponse. Thisistheexperienceofunion, oneness,
wholeness.
Thewritingsof’.uthentic Movement highlight thisarchetypal experience, of
followingandleadinginthesamemoment. MaryStarks Vhitehouse writesofAuthentic
Movement:
Thecoreofthemovement experience isthesensation ofmoving andbeing
moved. There aremany implicationsinputtingitlikethis.Ideally, bothare
22Ibid., 166.
26
presentinthesameinstant. Itisamovementoftotalawareness,thecoming
togetherofwhatIamdoingandwhatishappeningtome.Itcannotbe
anticipated,explained,specificallyworkedfor,norrepeatedexactly.23
Ithinkadistinctionmustbemadebetweenacreativeimpulseandanimpulsecentered
aroundapersonaldiscomfort.Forme,thelatterkindofimpulseisusuallyaresponseto
somethingthatfeelslikeitisoutofcontrolorneedsfixin.Itdoesnotinvolvearelaxed,open
body,butcentersmoreonforcesofcontrol. Thefeelingofbeingstretchedbywholenessisnot
present.
Therearemanyoccasionswhenimpulsesmoveustoacloseddoor.Notallimpulses
leadtorichwellsprings. Acloseddoorisquicklyunderstood,butnotfollowingimpulsesisthe
pathofslowlyturningtheheartcapacitiesoff,dosingoursensingcapacities.
Thejazzmusiciansabovealsospeakofthefeelingofonenesswhileplayingmusic.Is
thisthesameexperienceasbeingled?Itseemstomethatjustastherearevaryingexperiences
oflosingconnectiontomusictherearevaryingdegreesofonenesswithher.Ihaveexperienced
oneness, wheremyheartswellsandtearsrundownmyface.Butthisoccurredlessfrequently
withtheHaikuDiary,thanthefeelingofbeingled.Ialsoexperiencedbeingmoved,listening
tootherpeopleplay,andinmyown(non-haiku)practicewithpiecesthatIhadbeenworking
overalongerperiodoftime.Idon’tseeanorderingtowhentheexperienceoccurs,althoughI
wonderiftheamountoftimethatoneisplayingissignificant tocreatingastrongerfeelingof
oneness.
Inthevigilsetting thereistimewhereashiftinexperienceoccurs.Afteraninitial
entering,whichisoftenimmediatelyfelt,thereisadeepersettlin.Thefeelingformeisasif
thefloordropsawayintotheearth.ThereseSchroeder-Shekerteachesthatweneedtobeable
togettothisspaceinabcut 20minutesorwehavenotworkedsufficientlydeepenough,wehave
missedanopportunity.Butthetimingofthisofcoursevaries.Vigilsvaryintimingbetween40
23Mary StarksWhitehouse,”TheTaooftheBody.” InPatriziaPallaro’sAuthentic
b/uroement: ACollection ofEssaysbyMaryStarksWhitehouse, [anetAdlerand[can
Chodoroui. (LondonandPhiladelphia:JessicaKingsley Publishers,1999),43.
27
to70minutes.Oncethemusic hasarrived, timechangesandtheresponsetothemusicnolonger
canbemeasuredin”real” time. Amoment ofconnection maybeallthatisneeded.
Specialgrowsound rocks, goodeating. Lindaiscomposing atune. I
addthewaterhose, sounding thegushofwaterandreleasing.
Sharoniscomposingtoo.I’mtalkingtomyhusbandaboutdinner
plans,buthehassurgeryat7:30,sowecan’thavedinner. Isay
that’s fine,itisunexpected sllrgery.
DreamTune21,2000
Practice
OneofmyfavoritebooksofpoetryisWomen illPraiseoftheSacred: 43Centuriesof
SpiriiualPoetrybyWomen.24 Thisbookcontains expressions bywomen ofmany faith
traditions ofthesameexperience, theircontactwiththedivine. Whatstrikes meastruly
inspiring isthatwehavebeenmaking contact forover43centuriesandspirituality isstilla
mystery, something thatcannotbesegmented andanalyzed. Butwedoknow some things. To
work withthemystery inmusicrequires thedevelopment ofapractice.
Thepractice ofmusicencompasses many lessons andtrainings. There isthetechnical
aspectoflearning tobeinthebody, andmove inawaythatreleases toneanddynamics.
Fingering fortheharpandpitchandbreath workforthevoiceareimportant areas of
development foranymusician. These”technical” aspects ofmusic move intopersonal
expression. Thereistheprocess ofexpressing personalrelationship andmeaning inmusic.This
isdonethrough learning other people’smusic andoverlaying itwithone’s ownaesthetic orthe
development ofone’sowncompositions. Andthere isthespiritual processofbeing avesselfor
music. ThistakesaUthatisdeveloped andworkedwith, andputstheconcentration onletting
gooftheknown. Thisinvolves asurrendering ofcontrol, sothatthelarger experience ofthe
unknown canarrive, Theselearning processes arenotreally different, theyoverlap atevery
levelandcannottrulybeseparated.
24Jane HirshJield, editor, Women illPraise oftheSacred: 43Centuries ofSpriiual Poetru by
Women.(New York:HarperCollins, 1994).
28
Themorninghaikushavebeenthecontinualprocessofemptyingandpreparingfor
music’sarrival. Partofmusic-thanatolo’s heritagecomesfromtheideasofMarsilioFieino.
ThereseSchroeder-ShekerintroduceshisideasthroughanarticlebyAngelaVoss.Shewrites
aboutthePlatonicconceptof’divinefrenzy’andthecultivationofsprezzaturawhichFicino
prescribed to.Thesearereallypolarforces, atypeofartisticmadness,inducedbyinspiration
andrestraint, moderationandappropriateaction.Whenthesetwoforcesareinright
proportion,grazia(grace)appearsandthe”listeneristrulyremindedoflong-lostperfection,in
Platonicterms,theIdealworld,inmusicalterms,theMusicoftheSpheres.”Vossgoesonto
write:
Wehaveallbeentoperformanceswherethiselusivequalityispresent,andto
oneswhere,despiteevidentskillandvirtuosity,itisconspicuouslyabsent.
Creativeartistshaveoftenspokenoftheexperienceofbeinganemptyvessel,a
channelforacreativesourcebeyondthemselves, anditisevidentthatfora
performanceofthisnatureatrulyhumblingqualityisnecessary.Theperformer
isthemediator,theinstrument,andtheefficacyofthiscommunicationdepends
verymuchonhisinnercondition.25
Itisthroughapracticeofeverincreasingtechnicaldepthandmasterycombinedwith
aninnercontemplativepracticeofmusic,thatcultivates thebodyasaninstrumenttobemoved
byforcesbeyondtheeverydayexperienceofourselves,andleadstoarichrelationshipwith
musicasaguidingforce.Thisisachosenwayofapproachinglife,whereeveryrelationship
informsone’smusicalexpression,wherelisteningmoves beyondtheliteralandintotherealms
ofthemystical. ThereseSchroeder-Sheker, founderofmusic-thanatoloteachesthat:
Whenhearingandlisteningcollapseintooneanotherandbecomeaunified
activity,anewinnersensearises.Thishearing-listeningasaninneractivity
becomesthelanguageofthecapacityforloveinthesoul. Thisimpliesthen,
thattheear,whilebeingasingularthresholdorportofentry,isonlythefirst
partofthejourney.Anatomyandphysiololocatehearingwiththeear.
Psycholoandspiritualitywouldbothlocatelisteningascentralactivities
andcapacitiesizvolvingboththeheartandthesoul.26
25AngelaVoss,”TheRenaissanceMusician:SpeculationsonthePerformingStyleofMarsilio
Ficino”, Temenos,11(1990),31-52.
26ThereseSchroeder-Sheker,TheImaginationoftheBody:TheEar. HearingasReceiving:
TheLabyrinthintheTemple.(Montana:st.Dunstan’sPress,2000),17.Unpublished
Manuscript.
29
Conclusion
Theworkofmusic-thanatoloisapersonalcommitmenttothediscoveriesof
humannessthroughmusic.Musicbringstheprocessofdying;withthedecayofthebodyand
theexpressionsofgriefandpainbythedyingpersonandhisorherfamilyintothecontextof
joy.Againthisisnotthejoyofhappiness,butjoyasaplaceofholdingtheextremetensionsof
lightanddark,sorrowandecstasy,soundandsilence;wholeness.Itisthecommitmentofthe
music-thanatologist toprepareformusic’sarrival,bydevelopingamusicalbody,through
practice,andcreatingadeepunderstandingofmusic’swisdom,throughinnerlistening,
followingimpulseanddevelopingintimacy. Servingthephysicalandspiritualneedsofthe
dyingwithprescriptivemusic,becomesanactofdevotiontotheunknownforcesthatorganize
ourexistence.
Ithasbeena21/2yearinitiationintothecontemplativepracticeofmusic,articulated
byThereseSchroeder-Shekerandthefaculty oftheChaliceofReposeProject. Ithoughtthat
thispaperwouldfocusonthepatternsthatIsawinmyownmusicalnotations,focusingonthe
rawmaterialsofmusic,suchaskey,meter,prominentintervals,endingcadencesetc.Orthe
relationshipbetweenmydreamsandthehaikus Iwrote.Whatwerethecommonaltiesin
content?Howdidthetworelate?Insteadwhatmostinterestedmewaswhatisinvolvedina
relationshipwithmusic,notascontentorsound,butasanexperienceofthemystical,andwhat
wisdomorunderstandingcomesfromthisrelationship.
ThepracticeoftheHaiku Diary hasallowedmetodeepenmyrelationship withmusic
andsharpenmyskillsasamusic-thanatologist. Ihavefollowedtherhythmsofapractice,
lettingthisstrengthenmysensing andallowingmetoopentonewworldsofexperienceandI’ve
beguntoarticulatewhatihaveseenandlearned, whenIoftenprefertoholdmywordswithin
myself,inmuchthesamewaythatIhadpreferred tostayoutoftheworld.Manyquestions
floataroundme.Whatcreatestheuniquespaceofthevigilwheretimeopensandaspiritual
componentisalways revealed?Isthisfromthemusicorfromintention?Ifitisthemusic,why
doesmusiccommandsuchastrongforce.Orisitpowerful toonlythosewhoarecalledtoitand
30
hiddenfromothers?Ismusicaboutsound?Orismusicanentitywhoshowsherfacewithinthe
particularitiesofsound,butreallyistheembodimentofloveortheorganizingforceofcreation?
~ l,,@il=jfJjJI
_ _’ r’———“””
-; -j-
ijyqJ.1m:1IJJJI;0I
31
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